Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Past

It is amazing to me how as we live in the present moment, so much can be said about our past.  When I say that, I am not trying to be all melodramatic and "deep."  I am simply saying that I often look at my past-things that I did and things that happened to me-and I wonder if I had done any one little thing differently, if it would have changed the course of my life forever.

When I was younger, I would always say that I didn't really think that I had regrets.  Well, it goes without saying that I said that because of my age.  Now, I think it is crucial to have regrets.  They help to shape us and to make us realize that we are not always right.  How can one reinforce their good decisions if they don't have a poorly made decision to compare it to?  

I once had opportunities that I would almost kill for now, and I so arrogantly turned them down.  I did some stupid things that I regret, but if changing those events so that I didn't regret them, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change a thing.  I may not always be the girl with little stress or the one who doesn't always think things have to be perfect, but I am a girl who knows without a shadow of a doubt, that I like my life.  As much as I may bitch about certain aspects of it, I know that I am lucky and that someday these longer roads will unwind themselves, making it easier for me to see the way ahead.

If it wasn't for my past, my daughter wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be where I am in school, and I wouldn't be the person that I am.  I am grateful to my stupid mistakes that I made in the past, even though sometimes I wouldn't even call them stupid.  That path lead me to where I am today, and there just happens to be nowhere else I would rather be.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Single Parent Dating

So, I know I have discussed parenting and what it means to be a mom for your child....but, now I am going to address the other side of the single parenting phenomenon.  The rationale of being a single parent and attempting to date.

Now, my parenting situation is quite different from anyone I know.  For one, I am the only parent in my immediate and close group of friends.  I know other parents, but I don't really hang out with them or ever have.  Remember, I was always the girl who never wanted to hold babies...until I had my own, and then that changed.  Secondly, my daughter's conception, let's just say, was not consensual, so that aspect of it is different because as her father isn't around at all-period.  With that being said, I WOULDN'T want him to be due to those circumstances.  I wouldn't trust him to be in the same room as her EVER, so that isn't an issue I have to concern myself with.  No baby daddy drama, phew!  I am also a student, taking 15 hours and living on loans, so that is another quality of my situation that is different than most working, single moms out there.  Now that all of that is out there, I can get to the damn point.

As a single mom, I have had one boyfriend since the birth of my daughter.  It ended about a year ago and lasted about 10 months.  He was the best guy that any girl could ever ask for, and I certainly don't regret the time we spent together.  Fortunately, we are still friends and my daughter is still head over heels for him.  I love that because he is truly a great guy; it would be a misfortune to lose his place in my life.  We ended things because my school schedule was so hectic and causing me so much stress at the time, that I knew that things would get ugly if we didn't stop where we were, while we were "ahead."

A year later, I have tried to date and it never works out.  It is so hard not to bring my daughter around the people that I want to or have dated, because she is everywhere in my life.  It is hard to draw the line as to who she should and shouldn't meet, and it is harder knowing that I can't really date anyone without her being a part of that.  I would like to find someone, but it will have to wait until I am finished with school so that I can get my shit together=find us a nice place, build our life together with just the two of us, get her in school, get myself a job, etc....I am in no place to have a significant other, and as bitter as I try to sound about relationships, I have to say that I do get lonely.  I do wish that there were times when I had someone who understood what I am going through or just to talk to about it.  My friends are wonderful, but sometimes, I think that even the ones that have had vast experience with kids still don't know what it is like because they aren't parent.  This is comparable to the fact that I don't really know what it is to be in a relationship because it has been so long since I have been in one, and even longer since I had been in one before that....

Hopefully, there will be someone out there someday who understands my situation as it is and can respect my independence without impeding on it.  I don't need marriage and a white picket fence....maybe just someone to drink coffee with and who I can talk to about all of the nerdy books that I love to read.  Maybe someone to challenge me instead of a "yes" man.  Who knows....he may be out there somewhere.  Until I meet him, I am just going to keep my head in my books and keep my focus.  After all, I don't need a man and I don't need a man thinking that I do.  All I need is my daughter and for her to know that when she needs me, that I am the one that is here for her because I want to be and because that is my job and because I will never leave her side.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Things-As they are and as they were

So, when you are young(er) and things are simple and easy, you think that there is no way that things will ever change and if they do, it won't be drastic enough to impact your life to a degree that everything you know will be turned upside down....

that is the beauty and credulousness of youth.

When you get to be where you think you are a grown up now, mid twenties, you think you have it all figured out.  You still don't have the concept of time that hits you like a ton of bricks the closer you creep to the preverbial end of the road or middle of the road.  When you are at that stage, you think that nothing will phase you.  You live fast, you live hard, you live....or so you think you do.

Then, a sudden shift in priorities sets in once a doctor places a gentle, innocent, and totally dependent little sweetheart in your arms and calls you a mom for the first time in your life.  You suddenly realize that everything that you thought you held dear, everything you thought was important, everything that you thought you knew crumbles in value right before your very eyes.  You suddenly snap out of the cloud of life and loss of it, that you were living before, seemingly independent and free.  You snap out of the coma that was your life and you wake up to see the world from a different lens.  You are now a mom.  You are now a person who will sacrifice everything and anything to ensure the saftey and well being of this gentle little creature.  You are now outside of the norm that you got too comfortable with before.  For once in your life, you are thinking of someone else before you think of yourself.....

and it feels so damn good.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Identizine

When Professor Herndon assigned this project to us, I wasn't completely sold on whether or not I could pull it off and be effective at the same time.  I think I managed to do that, and I have to say that I am happy with the result.  It was very interesting to see myself in a perspective that I hadn't previously considered.  I knew my place in life, as I am a: single mom, full time student, employee, friend, and...oh, yeah-a human being!  Then, there's me...at the end of my list.  I am not complaining, as I know very well that I chose this station.  I am, however highlighting the point that I never really examined myself enough because of all the things I have had going on around me, to truly see the way that I thought and/or think about myself.  All of my headlines on the pseudo-magazine cover involved being a mother and trying to have it all.  I suppose that is how I see myself...in the most feminine role a woman could play-being a mother.  That is now how I identify myself...as a mother, student, blah, blah, blah.  I wouldn't have it any other way though, and I find it interesting because the girl I was before wouldn't have stood for this kind of non-conformist conformity.  A contradiction it itself....that is what I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dreamworlds...


In Sut Jhally’s documentary film, Dreamworlds 3, he depicts an astoundingly unrealistic portrayal of gender roles seen in the tragic frame using the medium of music videos and what they represent in today’s culture.  Jhally makes very clear the ways in which this society accepts the normative actions in these videos, as he also makes abundantly clear that these are no longer actions that are limited to the “dream world,” but instead, these ideologies are also wrongly internalized and seen as socially acceptable in every day life.  He uses Burke’s understanding of the method of perspective by incongruity, along with juxtaposition, and decontextualization to make evident the serious effects that this type of thinking and objectification has on the roles that society constructs for gender and the responsibilities or lack thereof that accompany that construct.
            In order to understand the points that Sut Jhally conveys in his brilliantly assembled documentary, Dreamworlds 3, one must understand the methodology that he used to portray the tragic frame-Burke’s perspective by incongruity.  Perspective by incongruity is essentially an attitude or way of thinking that is not in harmony with or cohesive with its surroundings or what is thought of as one’s norm-in “lamens terms”, thinking outside the “box.”  There is more than meets the eye to everything that is known to one as familiar, and with familiarity, comes a sense of comfort that keeps people from looking at the world through other perspectives, even if just to better understand their own.  In Dreamworlds 3, Jhally challenges the viewer to see that the music industry influences the way society accepts the justification of women as well as the simplification of men by simply watching disturbing music videos and accepting them as normal when in fact they should be looked at as anything but typical.  In using Burke’s theory, Jhally was able to explain in narrative form, how society becomes polemical when attempting to understand anything outside of the normative references that are typically relied on.  The way that gender is perceived through the tragic frame is wholly accepted in today’s mainstream, pop idolizing society, where it is completely acceptable to see a half naked woman on her knees in a submissive position while a shirtless, muscular man towers above her on a billboard.  In Dreamworlds 3, Jhally uses the realm of what is seen as entertainment to depict how women are consistently objectified as men and some ethnicities are also simplified.  In music videos, as seen in Jhally’s documentary, women are happy to prance around in bikini tops and mini skirts while washing cars for men who are pouring alcohol on their already wet bodies as they are also having dollar bills thrown at them.  If this isn’t a clear form of objectification and over sexualized portraits of womanhood, what is?!  Men are seen in these same videos as aggressive, sex obsessed, dominant figures pushing women onto beds while the female singer is singing of purity and innocence.  This is not innocent, and this is not pure.  
            In using the strategy of juxtaposition, Jhally makes the anything but subtle comparison between what is glorified and glamorized in the music industry and the events that occur in real life that are influenced by the subjugation of feminine and masculine roles in this medium.  What happens when those behaviors are projected into real life situations?  Teens grow up watching these popular musicians and celebrities star in these flashy videos where women are dancing bare breasted with fast, expensive cars, while shopping in impossibly expensive stores….this is showing young people an image of a nearly unattainable reality and that it’s ok to want these things and to accept those same behaviors.  An example lies in the way that Jhally placed a scene from a hip hop music video where women were allowing men to pour alcohol all over their faces and practically bare bodies, while they were dancing around and having their asses slapped next to a scene from the Puerto Rican Pride Festival in Central Park from the early nineties.  In the scenes from the true-to-life festival, women were shown while men slap their asses and their shirts were being torn off and men were chasing them down and pouring liquor all over them; however, in the real world version, the women were less than thrilled about it, and they weren’t glamorous video vixens, rather they were sexually victimized women.  There has to be a point where the industry takes responsibility for promoting the ignorance and lack of respect that they show towards gender and race, and Jhally uses juxtaposition to truly bring much needed attention to this point.
In the strategy of decontextualization, Jhally also uses Dreamworlds 3, as a way to disassemble what is seen as the societal norm and puts the same material in an unfamiliar territory, making the viewer feel somewhat uncomfortable as the old images are being put into a newer, less socially normative context.  Jhally did this by taking the music videos that society sees as acceptable, and turning them into another medium that doesn’t appear as entertaining to the viewer, but more as a public service announcement.  He put the videos to the background of more serious and ominous music, not the music originally corresponding with the video.  He also adds in his even more ominous narration, creating a much more somber tone than the original music would allow.  This presentation takes what society would typically see as normative media and places it in an unfamiliar context that elicits feelings that the viewer would not usually associate with watching a music video.  When a perspective is changed and things are forcefully put out of place, it changes the entire meaning of the story, and this is made evident by Jhally’s use of de-contextualliztion in Dreamworlds 3.
                        Upon watching Dreamworlds 3, the viewer is forced to see that nothing is as it seems, even in the mythical, flashy, and impossibly unrealistic world of music and entertainment.  Perspective by incongruity, juxtaposition, and decontextualization are strategies that were used by Jhally in order for the viewer to walk away from this notion of the "dream world" with an understanding of the ways in which socially accepted media can be more harmful to society than most would ever begin to understand.  By objectifying women, simplifying men, and by misconstruing the roles of gender and race, the music industry as a whole is responsible for projecting these misleading images to the youth in society today, thereby creating a generation relying on false information to make decisions that will possibly misshapen their futures and redefine what they believe their roles to be in society.